“its a random day in paradise”

or a shopping trip that quickly became a cartoon.

solutions for #mixedgirlproblems?

as i was waiting in line i glanced to the side and saw something horrifying:

stop encouraging the children.

anyway if you’ve never gone shopping with me, you don’t know my favorite game.

the i-like-all-of-the-embarrassing-items game.

‘do i need an aggressively cheetah jumpsuit? wait, do you think this comes in zebra?’

‘i like this romper because you can dress it up with heels or dress it down with a good sparkle flat.’

basically, i love the horrified looks that people give me, and i love when my shopping mates play along.

today i picked up this dress and held it close to me, admiring the sparkling taffeta.

“ugh, mom, can you even imagine a prom dress that is any more perfect that this one??”

and just as i moved on to a trainwreck in the next aisle a girl pulled the purple tent of sparkle taffeta from the rack and gasped, showing it to her sisters, mother, and aunt who were shopping with her. they looked at it longingly.

i burst into silent laughter and hid behind a bunch of other hideous dresses, tapping my mother’s arm, making sure that she witnessed the scene in all its glory.

because they weren’t kidding.

‘well honey, i do love that dress… but i think it’s for a more… buxom lady.’

– the most bless-you-heart comment i’ve ever heard in real life

translation: you don’t quite fill out that dress well.

translation of translation: you’re flat chested honey.



One thought on ““its a random day in paradise”

  1. Best post EVER. So I guess the terrible judging of other peoples lack of shopping skills is genetic.
    Also, you should try my favorite shopping game. I call it “Shopping for Others!”
    Should this old lady have a ridiculously sized package of condoms? Sure, I’m sure the old girl might need it.
    Should this blatantly in-love-with-his-tractor redneck have a SUPER-PLUS sized box of tampons, or a My LIttle Pony toy set? Why not.
    Be as horrible and discrete as possible, the object of the game is to slip it into their carts without them noticing then watch for reactions at the check-out line.

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