music monday: merry christmas.
so i’m not a huge fan of christmas music.
come on, are you really that surprised?
i’m just not. i cringe when i walk into a store and they are playing ‘grandma got run over by a reindeer’ on a loop and the employees look downtrodden because they have been at work since 6am and no one even asked them if they wanted to be wearing that festive vest or that santa hat that itches and makes them seethe with hate. and i hate that one of my go-to radio stations for the long drive home from the museum has completely devoted itself to playing christmas music since the second that you finished fighting with your family on thanksgiving until you sing old lang syne on new years.
whatever. these songs are the exceptions to my rule of no christmas music. they may not be as conventional as good old bing crosby, but these are the songs that i absolutely will not change the station for, regardless of how many times i’ve heard them.
now some of my christmas favorites cannot just be listened to, instead they deserve visual representation.
‘there’s children throwing snowballs, instead of throwing heads!’
‘oh you should add kermit in – he’s big right now.’
BUT, i only made and listened to this playlist for you guys. while i unpacked boxes upon boxes of hallmark christmas ornaments and reassembled the tree, i really listened to a very different playlist. because no one was home at the time, i put on some of my favorites: ella, billie, and dinah, and belted the lyrics out all over creation.
now if you aren’t on first-name basis with these three you are in for a real treat. this is music that everyone should hear, removing themselves from whatever is plaguing them at the time and really feeling what they are singing about. i just love the way that this kind of music is gritty and smooth at the same time, just like life.
anyway, i understand that not everyone celebrates christmas, or may not like christmas music. some of you might have had a bad experience with santa baby. because you really wanted to sing the christmas waltz with your friends in the sixth grade winter choir show but it was decided that you should instead sing santa baby, which had dance motions and inappropriate implications for an eleven year old. you may not have wanted to sing with all the blonde girls who were showy and loved attention and made you wear red lipstick and a red turtleneck with white fur trim on the collar and the wrists that itched and made you all the more unhappy.
no, you can’t see the performance video, you monster.
these songs are for you.
‘i jumped out of the frying pan and right into the fire’ > ‘i brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack.’
they just don’t make ’em like they used to, kids.