melancholic.

‘you know those days when you get the mean reds? … the mean reds are horrible. suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of.’  the only thing that would get me out of such a mood while i was a student would be to get downtown into chicago and walk. just walk and be another nameless face in the crowd. it would make me feel like all those other people that i passed had problems as well – maybe some of them were much worse than mine.  somehow feeling very small would make me feel better and i could return ready to face the world again.

now that i’m not a quick train ride to the city, i’ve had to find a new method of rejuvenation.  i think it’s quiet that i crave during these moods. so today i got in the car and drove to a nearby marina and sat in the car as the rain fell.  similarly the flatness of the land comforts me.  i often drive down some of the lesser populated roads around here admiring the land and smiling at the lazy cows.

and then i am at peace and can see everything in a new light.

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